简历的致命错误写法怎么样？( 二 ) 「问人人知识网」

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
"I am a rabid typist."
"Work History: performed brain wave tests,1879-1981."
"After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to
pursue a new line of work."
"Accounting cleric."
【简历的致命错误写法怎么样？】"As indicted, I have over five years of experience analyzing investments."
"Suspected to graduate earlynce analyzing investments."
"Suspected to graduate early next year."
"Disposed of $2.5 billion in aets."
"proven ability to track down and correct erors."
"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."
"Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
"Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school."
英文简历不应有的幽默
"Note: Keep this resume on top of the stack.Use all others to heat your house."
"Aisted in daily preparation of large quantities of consumable items in a fast-paced setting." (Translation: Short-order cook.)
"But wait...theres more.You get all this busine knowledge plus a grasp of marketing that is second nature."
"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
"My fortune cookie said, Your next interview will result in a job-and I like your company in particular."
"Title: Another resume from the profiles in Excellence series."
"Also Known As: Mr.productivity, Mr.Clever, Mr.Fix-it."
"Trustworthy references available upon request-if I give them a few bucks."
"Lets meet so you can ooh and ahh over my experience."